


Just Keep A Hoard Of Stolen Condiments In Your Junk Drawer Like Everybody Else

by gilshaelos



Category: Gintama
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:54:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gilshaelos/pseuds/gilshaelos
Summary: Hijikata infodumps about mayo while having lunch with Yamazakishort fluffy yamahiji
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/Yamazaki Sagaru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Just Keep A Hoard Of Stolen Condiments In Your Junk Drawer Like Everybody Else

“They forgot the extra mayo again.”

Yamazaki entered Hijikata’s office, shitty takeout food in hand. Hijikata exhaled smoke and put out his cigarette, leaning back on his hands and scowled. “This is like the fourth damn time. I should-”

“Don’t write another Yipe review.” He chided, setting their bags of food down.

“I’m gonna write another Yipe review.”

“If you write a horrible review because they forgot the extra mayo, mods will get you.”

Hijikata scoffed. “Good thing I can just make more accounts.”  
  
“Your username is ‘Mayorinfan57’ like every single time.” Yamazaki rolled his eyes and moved reports to make room for lunch. “I’m sure they know it’s you.”  
  
He scoffed again, but it was more like a huff of defeat. “No respect at all… Tch…”  
  
“Oh, stop whining.” Yamazaki chuckled, placing his vice-chief’s food across the table then in front of him. “You have extra bottles of mayo on you anyways…”

Hijikata stopped mid-mayo-pour. “That’s not the point.”  
He frowned as he squeezed out glob after glob of mayo onto his ramen. “Mayonnaise right from food places means it pairs perfectly with their food! That’s why they picked _that_ specific type of mayo to serve.” He ranted, breaking his chopsticks, digging in. It was pretty gross how easily that mass of slimy gunk slid up into his mouth. Years of training, no doubt.  
He paused to chew, but still spoke. “I can use,” More chewing. “Can use whatever kind I like, but if they provide a certain one, then I have to use it!”  
  
Yamazaki had a simple pork belly cut bowl for himself, he ate slowly, listening to his ranting. He reached over, grabbing a steamed bun to munch on. He exhaled through his nose in humor, smirking. “It’s not that serious.”

“I’ll make you commit seppuku for that.”  
  
It was, it was that serious.  
Yamazaki has sat through _many_ of his mayo-induced rants. He knew more about mayo than he has ever cared to know in his life! He could definitely say what year Hijikata’s favorite brand came to be if he thought about it.  
Despite not particularly caring per say about the differences between ‘classic’ and ‘new’ mayo recipes of the Mayorin brand…( _THAT_ was an entirely different can of worms. He’ll never forget the look of disdain of Hijikata’s face when Yamazaki said they tasted the same.)  
He listened carefully. Just pleased to be spending time with Hijikata. He liked his voice, the way he talked, how weirdly excited he got talking about the vintage glass mayo container he got off the internet… Oh Toshiro, you are a weird one.  
Although, Sagaru was just as weird, listening to his boyfriend infodump about _mayonnaise_ .

Yamazaki didn’t mind the ranting, he never had much to say, especially just at lunch time. Nothing interesting happened, and they’ve both been playing catch-up on paperwork. Hijikata’s ranting got them through lunch, Yamazaki only speaking to ask a question (“Don’t restaurants just use the same one?”) or making indications he was listening.  
  


He munched on the mochi that came with their lunch, matcha mochi was truly the best! Hijikata had moved onto dessert as well, opting for a black sesame (with mayo) mochi to eat. Lunch was very talky, but now they sat in silence for a bit, enjoying their treats.  
The spy sighed softly, satisfied and full, and moved to clean up their spread of trash. Back to work after this, break time’s over! Ugh.  
  
“Oi.” Yamazaki looked up at him. “You have something on your face.”  
  
Conscious about his appearance, Yamazaki grabbed a napkin and hurriedly wiped at his face, then looked back over at him.  
  
“You didn’t get it.”  
  
Frowning, he wiped at his cheeks, then at his chin.

“I’ll get it.”

Hijikata crawled over, expressionless. Closer and closer, he cupped Yamazaki’s cheek and kissed him. His hand trailed to the back of his head, his fingers threading through his hair. It was short and gentle, he pulled away, smirking.  
  
“It was me.”

Yamazaki’s face flushed instantly, and hit him on the arm. “You-!” He fell into a stifled laugh, pushing at his shoulder. “You’re the worst, you’re the _worst!_ ” That cheesy romantic bullshit he _definitely_ saw in a drama got him every damn time! And-

“Don’t kiss me after eating all that mayo!”  
  
“You love it.”  
  
Yamazaki gags.

“You kiss me after anpan binges.”

“That’s different!”  
  
Hijikata gags.

**Author's Note:**

> ship my rarepair please  
> i wrote this cuz i want fluffy yamahiji goddamnit i do all the work in this goddamn house  
> hope you like...i feel weird abuot writing shit but HJFDSGHFD HERE WE ARE
> 
> im on twitter also, i tweet nonstop about gintama nowadays! @gilshaelos1


End file.
